aging doubts, wrinkling fears

 isa kang epiko. ha ha ha. i'm enjoying you to bits man. though it's really awkward to see you that way -------- winner pa rin. you got my vote! (just so you know).

 what're you going to do if you learn that i've been reading your blog and "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-awwwww-shit-he's-soooo-gaaay-and-adorably-stooopid" was my constant reaction? but wait, hats down to your poems and some rants. i am a sucker for guys who can actually write (and be pathetically funny and yeah-he's-got-a-point). ha ha ha. shit lang talaga, you amuse me. don't even let me get started with those videos! AHAHAHAHAHAHA. what've you been eating?? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. to think that i've been waiting so  eagerly for those videos to finish buffering is just proof of your amazingly stoopid ideas. gay, sooooo gay.

from emo to gay-ish, then what?



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


P.S.
i still think you're beautiful. :)

 maybe i'm the chance of rain.


yeahhh.. because it's a whole new year, it feels natural to set some goals and then later on forget them, if not break all together. ha ha ha. anyway, i'm still in dire want of a planner. that need must be addressed soon enough before i cringe at the thought of another plannerless year and y'know, do something nasty and brutish due to the nature of (wo)man. school. i badly want to be back in school. i shall be, this year. even if entails giving up my job, leaving, and living humbly somewhere else. at least, my heart shall be happy. oh yeah, about that ----- no more benchwarming afternoons. going to get my act together now. quit chasing dreams, begin owning. yeys.


hoorah for the first rain of the year!






hahaha. i sooo love my friends. i sooooo miss you as well. see you again. :)

 better days, better smiles. 2010.




and so, the countdown begins. yey!

 a violin. for my 22nd.
















but why do i feel downcast.

 I'M IN DIRE NEED AND WANT OF A 2010 PLANNER.



plan wrecker : paypal.

 if i begin to recount the span of time wherein we were in sober hostility, it'll just stir up the damaged side of the coin. for now, i'm glad that despite my intolerable moods, we're still able to continue almost where we left off. yey. nice Christmas present. wise tactic to use the season to catch up on each other. sana naman maka-move on na kami sa impakto at laman-lupa at shokoy at putok complex namin. but, it's still nice to know that we both remember. yey. friend regained.








nice.

 pissfakk! IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO BE FAITHFUL? does fidelity kill? i mean, what's up with the "in a relationship" guys who are suddenly "friendly" after all those years of "non-existence" in each other's worlds? oh come on. i'd love to slit your throats. woe to your ladies. ultimately, what am i doing? where is the "i don't know you and i don't want to begin knowing you know" self? bad trip. this is why i hate facebook. 

 SIGH. over too soon.




words that escape just because i wanted them to leave. come on sunshine, scream.
curiosity.
all because i wanted a name.
i got a nudge.
instead.


lesson: impatience might not be wonderful virtue, but it's a nice accessory once a year.
yes.
rant.
end.

it's alarming that things are like this now at work.. i mean, we are sooo bored to death just because there's almost nothing to do.. but after the friggin' calm is the storm.. LIFE IS WONDERFUL. yes. so, why fuss about that honey, live for the moment. fall asleep. haha.

it's almost Merry Christmas and yet the house feels so empty. i hate being left behind by other people.. if only i can leave them instead. uhh. on better thougts, that can't do. my oppa will be sad. he'd rather that he knows he left me at home than having me leave elsewhere. obviously, this post is about to head nowhere sane. i hate having so many bizarre thoughts and yet i can never really get myself to write them concretely and comprehensively. i'm always a labyrinth. always a boulevard heading to the ocean. i long for some pillows and sheets and a nice bed right now. i am wasting time here. ugh. hating this.

the end.

this fleeting feeling sucks. it fails to generate the good in me. why isn't life that terrific anymore? woe to me for i am such a fool. or not. smile and the world smiles back at you. :)










why not try reverse psychology, eh.

i can't access my yahoomail, ym, and facebook sites. this is a scam. haha. seriously, what's up?! is it just my laptop or our internet? i better try using th other laptops here.. that is when the charger for oppa's laptop is found, and when i already have kuya's password. hahaha. this is such a pain the neck. literally, the back of my neck hurts.

badtrip. hassle sa muscle. she looks like the ladylovebug. i knew it, there was something in you that made me like you the first time i saw you. got it now. hello. i hate you. you make me miss her. harhar.




oh, no. not gay. not part of the eagle pride.

oh, yes. i'm in love. :)

 hi-ho. hi-ho. hi-ho.



Another weekend is about to end, another bout to endure. Oh, how i long for the swifter days of schooling, the junkier ways that yielded splendid thoughts. Free me from this cage, but let me be the master first. Whilst inside, allow me to take over. Dominion over the reeling flaws and claws of the human nature.



It's going to be Christmas soon, and then my birthday. A toast to another full year of independence. Plug that thing in. :)

 
Boy, oh, boy. Christmas is about to hit us fast in the face! Don’t fuss yet though, it’s time to enlist the merry makers. *crazy dancing*

My Milk Toof book (joy joy joy). Cyanide and Happiness comic book (yey!). Le Tigre CDs. Paolo Nutini (and his CDs) (fan girl). Ipod earphones. Pretty White Teddybear (small enough to stash in my workstation. I like it fluffy and white and preferably with a red ribbon). Spoiler. EMT cert and Faci cert (shout out to you guys! And more to myself also. Impress myself!). Normal sleep hours. A friend that can be encapsulated. Bose Speakers. Lomo Camera (Diana). Stargazers and casablancas. You. Him. Her. Them. Us. Chanel eyeliner. Doma planner. Shoe cabinet. Nice backpack. Non-pro driver's license. Leather seat cover for Avonni. Goody goods. Porcelain doll (not the ones that you get from cheap stores.. it'll be nice if it is a replica of me. haha). Polymer clay!

And now for the classics…

World Peace. Gender Equality. Abolition of the Core and the Periphery. Wage Raise. Tax Exemption. Scholarship. The End of Poverty book. Swatch watch. Hello Kitty things. Barbie stuff. If you can give me the ocean, better. Catch a star for me, I’ll kiss your face.

No matter how moronic this list seems…. IT’S MY LIST SO GO MAKE YOUR OWN AND QUIT ROLLING YOUR EYES AND SCRATCHING THAT GRUESOME HEAD. Haha. Well, that is assuming that someone actually reads this aside from me. 

Cheers to the holidays!!
Love to my Maker. 


EDIT:
already EMT and Faci certified. :)
got the Chanel eyeliner na.
Bose speakers in my room na din.
the "You. Him. Her. Them. Us." part still puzzles me.. why did i ever include that one??

 i desire for a world wherein there'll be no more soldiers, no more arms, no more need to go against life and nature. it is so crushing to be in a world dominated by the need for power, glory and death. it's a shame that we are living in a time and place like this. i cannot stand to watch films based on real life and see people die needlessly. i feel so ashamed to be considered human ------ the very race that's supposed to be glorious and all. i hate the war. we all detest hostilities not unless we are deranged. can't we just return to being humans once more and cease turning into monsters. life is precious, it is beautiful. too beautiful to waste on things that never really amount to anything. so tell me, are there any eal victors in the wars we so often wage?

one life to live.